He’s ALIVE!!!

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Happy Valentines Day

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Flipher

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Gotcha!!

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Brazilian

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Prostitute logic

A doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, “Do you know who the father of this child is?”

She quickly replied, “For goodness sakes, if you ate a can of beans, would you know which one made you fart?”

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Barber shop

Bob stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.” Bob left.

A few days later, Bob stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.” Bob left.

A week later, Bob again stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and a half.” Bob left.

The barber turned to his friend Mike and said, “Hey, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut,and we Both know Bob never gets his hair cut or his beard trimmed, so he never comes back.”

A little while later, Mike returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, “So, where does Bob go when he leaves?” Mike looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, “Your house!”

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Navy Memo

Memo:
The Department of the Navy

The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private “OFF LIMITS” area on all aircraft carriers. While addressing all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, “Female sleeping quarters will be “out-of-bounds” for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time.”

And the Admiral continued, “Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500.”

Are there any questions?”

At this point, a US Marine from the security detail assigned to a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired:

“How much for a season pass?”

God bless the Marine Corps!

skeeze / Pixabay[/caption]

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Tattle parrot


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Mating

 

12019 / Pixabay

My wife and I went to the Calgary Bull Sale & Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ……smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week.’

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
”THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW~~That’s more than twice a week ! ………..You could learn a lot from him.’

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

‘My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
‘That’s once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.’

I looked at her and said,
‘Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.’

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.


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